Theresa Lewis

They say that whatever you fear, or hate most in life will plague you until you find a way to deal with it. That is a statement that used to make me see red, until one day I decided to open my mind and test that theory. I had always believed it was better to avoid that which I detested, or feared. I did not believe that facing my fears would in any way help me cope with things I abhorred.

My first experiment was with a shower curtain. I hated using them and many times took a shower without closing the curtain. Of course the floor became flooded, but hey, after my shower my mind was still intact. That is what mattered most to me in the long run.

It is my contention that showers are meant to have doors and only doors. That is the civilized way of most of humanity. I know what I am talking about. I watch those home renovation shows on television. They always put on shower doors. They are supposed to. They make them for a reason. The reason is so you don’t lose your mind when you take a shower. You are supposed to feel fresh and relaxed after a shower, not mentally destroyed and physically violated.

My first experience with a shower curtain did not end up well at all. I was having renovations done on my bathroom. My friend said I could use her bathroom any time and she even gave me a key to her home. I was truly grateful. However, she did not have shower doors in her bathroom. She had some flimsy plastic curtain.

I closed the curtain and turned on the water and waited until it reached the desired temperature then I opened the curtain just enough for me to step into the shower. That’s when all hell broke loose.

The very instant that the water touched my skin the shower curtain blew in and stuck to my body. I no sooner got it off my back when it attached itself to my arms making it impossible for me to fight it off. In the ensuing battle, I knocked everything off the shelves in the shower. Bottles and soaps were falling on my toes, making me hop around in the tub. The more I tried to escape the twisting winding curtain that had snagged me in its grasp, the more I became freaked out and frustrated. I fought and bashed at it for what seemed like a good twenty minutes and I had not even picked up the bar of soap at that point. It grabbed me from every aspect of my naked being and held me captive until I truly lost my mind. Finally, I gave up and shut the water off and the curtain dropped back and just hung there as though the last twenty minutes had not happened. I got out of the tub and washed myself at the sink. I was angry and shaking from doing battle. I came to the realization that you could either have a shower with the curtain open, or you could simply wash up at the sink. I chose the sink for the remainder of my renovations. I heard someone say that there is a limit to how long you can go without a shower. I say, if you value your sanity, there is no limit.

Now, I live in a rental and you guessed it…no shower doors. To make matters worse, it is a basement apartment with a huge window in the bathroom over the side of the tub. Oh, joy. If I thought a shower curtain was bad, throw a long plastic window curtain into the mix and see how fast you can lose your mind and your dignity.

It had been several years since my last encounter with a shower curtain and for some demented reason I thought I was now mature enough to take a shower with just a curtain. Other People can do it, so why not me? Besides, this good quality curtain had magnets that are supposed to stick the curtain to the sides of the tub.

I ran the water and peeked in several times just to make sure it was okay. Both the window and the shower curtains were just hanging as flat as they should do. I got into the tub and all hell broke loose again. The window curtain wrapped itself around my boobs while the shower curtain grabbed me by the legs. Oh, no! It was happening to me again. What was wrong with me? I seemed to be the catalyst that caused otherwise plain white curtains to take on a life of their own. As soon as I freed myself on top, I was becoming entangled on the lower half of my torso. The curtains conspired with each other and did all sorts of rude things to me. I felt violated. The magnets did nothing to hold the shower curtain onto the sides of the tub. I think they were there to give the curtains a voice as they smacked against the sides of the tub when I was doing battle. This time, I told myself that I was going to win the battle and I opened the end of the shower curtain about a foot and suddenly all the chaos stopped.

Great, I thought. Now I can wash my hair. I closed my eyes to rinse the shampoo off. My elbow gently touched the window curtain. Unknown to me, my elbow had opened the window curtain almost fully. By the time I realized that I was taking a public shower in front of my neighbours while they were having a barbecue, it was too late. I snapped the curtain shut. I was mortified.

Once my neighbours had gone inside, I dried the walls of the shower and I taped that window curtain to the wall with packing tape. It hasn’t moved since. I faced my fear of shower curtains and have since learned that if you wet the outside of the shower curtain it will stick to the sides of the tub and will no longer attack. I now feel quite sane after having a shower and I might dare to say, I also feel relaxed afterwards.

The End